Wednesday, November 17, 2010

grace, love, the dishes - and worry?

Worry don't really belong there does it? Worry is a bit distracting, draining, and something I admit struggling with. Saying it was the hardest part.

My Mom was visiting recently and we were talking about my Grandma and her struggles with neuralgia. It has been giving my dear Grandma fits again. She has been stressing over winter preparations with her furnace, and driveway, and doctor appointments... and when she worries, her neuralgia gets worse. As we were talking about her constant worrying, my Mom made the statement that she could become like that too - with worrying about all things. I could too. And that was the first time I actually verbalized it. It is rather embarrassing to admit to being a worrier.

One moment I am so jazzed to make friends cookies or a meal, and the next I am worrying about fitting that one more thing in. I move from being excited about something, to worrying about it. And when a family owns their own business, and finances and payroll are always in the back of one's mind (humm...that would be mine), then the worry just tends to seep out at times. I don't verbally talk about the worry, I just try to suppress it and it just to appears all of a sudden and I'm full of frustration with whoever or whatever may be in my path.

Now, I feel like I have lived in somewhat of a state of frustration for almost ten years. And I haven't been able to harness it, get rid of it, but I think that really getting down to the root of it - the worry - is helping. When I begin to feel my blood pressure rise, I think it is worry -not what is really going on at the moment, and I am simmering a bit more. Simmering without boiling over, that is as good as a sink with no dirty dishes.

Matthew 6:30-34 "If God gives such attention to the appearance of wildflowers—most of which are never even seen—don't you think he'll attend to you, take pride in you, do his best for you? What I'm trying to do here is to get you to relax, to not be so preoccupied with getting, so you can respond to God's giving. People who don't know God and the way he works fuss over these things, but you know both God and how he works. Steep your life in God-reality, God-initiative, God-provisions. Don't worry about missing out. You'll find all your everyday human concerns will be met.

Give your entire attention to what God is doing right now, and don't get worked up about what may or may not happen tomorrow. God will help you deal with whatever hard things come up when the time comes."

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